is a brutally beautiful
from the sun. -Buddy Wakefield, from “Human the death dance” (thanks, laura-changeling)
Simultaneously, i have a handful of loves. people i love individually, differently, and partial heartedly. connected without attachment. i periodically have heartbreaks…more often then not. when my love makes another connection, it puts a strain on my heart. this phenomena has the potential to happen 5times more often than the normal person.
in perspective, when i am slightly envious of those normal relationships, is it because they don’t know what it means to have your heart broken again and again multiple times in the midst of persevering? their ignorance is bliss in the sense that they only know the bright side of love. i am stronger for having endured all those aches; came home from the battle field yet willing to sign up for the next fight in the name of love. whereas someone might see my inability to fully commit to a single individual as weakness, craven impulses, scared indefinately. i’m not a failure, i’m a soldier.
but i’ve lost & it’s time to relinquish you…love.
in every sense of the word.
i watched the men, as bright as day, dissapear into the darkness…
i love that moment of relief. you know, the moment right after you empty what seems to be every single drop of bile. the moment when you incline from a crouch. for those very few seconds in time, it seems like the world is going in slow motion. inhale and you’re suspended about an inch off the ground with nothing holding you back. exhale and become light as a feather in a world populated by only one…you. by the time you take your next breath, the moment already passed; savor it.